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it took me a year to learn who i was, a month to get myself busy, a week to fall in "love", a day to realize everything was too late yet early, an hour to see how dull my life has become, a minute to understand how meaningless empty knowing what a fling was, and a second to accept all these facts.

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everything's no longer obscure though. i understand he is and has been just a friend, at least to him. all this time i was in denial, i guess. all these conversations we've had so far that i thought were special were special to him as well but just in a friendly "you're awesome baby" way. the kisses and hugs meant nothing but "oh let's enjoy the moment". the hope that i had for the "next time" has been broken down into pieces but i finally realized what my problem was.

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i need the truth: truth about love, truth about life, truth about myself, truth about this world, and truth about what right before my eyes. i guess after all, i was living a "carpe diem" life in the summer as i wanted.

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